Not a day goes by that I am not reminded of my situation. Not a day goes by that I don’t have regrets about actions or how things went. But I also feel hope about the future. I also feel happiness at times and glimmers of a new life ahead of me. But these feel like speculations in life when I do nothing but try to simply speak my mind for one of the rare occasions in my life and I am met with disheartening distrust and malice. I hate confrontation with people but at the same time my base instinct calls for me to gnaw on the bones of my enemy in search of the delicious marrow in the middle. I am at a cross roads.
I have seen people who have chosen every path here and I still have no idea which is the best for me. I am dying on the inside from swallowing hate and anger. It turns into a septic pill that sloshes around the insides of my soul darkening the edges that I thought I had just cleaned. Old fears sit like boxes in front of the damage. I move them but them they fall back into place like stubborn Tetris pieces. my arms grow weak from scrubbing away the shit. I grow weary.